Fear versus Anger

While worshipping to Jesus Culture's "Your Love Never Fails," I heard the lyrics "And when the oceans rage, I don't have to be afraid because I know that You love me." Going through a tough time of my own right now I thought, "I'm not afraid, though; I'm mad." And it's true. I was a little afraid at the beginning of the deployment, and I do have short-lived moments of fear, sure, but my big reaction right now is anger. Immediately, the image of an angry dog came into my mind. Now, when a dog is angry, there are three possible causes for it. The dog may truly just be grumpy, or it could be flat out crazy. More often than not, though, the dog is afraid of something. Think about it. How many dogs when backed into a corner will sit there and whimper because they are afraid? The first image that pops into my head is a cornered dog snarling and lashing out.

Thinking on this, I realize that I am probably afraid; I have just become used to it. I am not afraid my husband will be killed, no; I am holding onto a promise on that one. However, everything else scares me. What if I can't get the car inspected in time to get the plates relicensed before they expire? What if one of the cars breaks down? What if it snows a lot, we slide off the road, and my toddler, my newborn, and myself become stranded in freezing temperatures? Moving to a new country and having to learn the new customs and language is bad enough sometimes, but then you add stuff to it like not knowing what local mechanics are trustworthy, especially when you don't speak the language well enough to know if they're ripping you off.

The ultimate truth, though, is that all those little fears are covered by promises as well. God is my healer, my provider, my bridegroom, my protector. He is more than enough! I know this. It is times like these, though, that remind me I have to invite and allow God into every aspect of my life.