Beauty

This morning started dark and dreary, with rain falling ever so silently. While working at my computer, I heard that infamous sound of rain pouring down on the house and trees. When I looked outside, I was astonished at the sight. It was not just raining hard, and it was not sleeting either. It was as if it was rain plus huge snowflakes that were too wet to be seen as snowflakes anymore, but not quite frozen enough to be sleet.

Shortly after that, I looked outside again, only to be even further amazed. Snowflakes the size of golf balls were falling, and falling quickly and heavily. I tried taking video of it, but my camera did the sight no justice. Standing there, watching the snow, I could not help but be in awe of the beauty of this happening. Thoughts of everyone's anger toward the snow flooded my mind and I thought, "How can anyone not think this is beautiful?"

There are so many things in this world that are seen are horrible, ugly, pointless, time wasting, strenuous, and worthy of complaining about, amongst other things. Yet, the things or happenings that are talked about as such tend to be the things God has placed here for beauty and for us to enjoy. How foolish can we really be?

Servanthood

Lately, God has been dealing with me in many areas of my life. One of them in particular is about servanthood and humility. A supervisor at my current job is, unbeknownst to her, testing me. I want to tell her off so badly. I want to put her in her place and let her know exactly what everyone (no joke) in that building thinks of her. But I have held my tongue. God has continually shown me how I should act these past couple weeks. Hold my tongue. She is my superior, so I need to respect her and honor her option and requests. Stop spouting off to her in my head. Treat her with kindness, gentleness, and love. Sometimes, though, it is just so hard!

Then, yesterday I noticed a book on our bookshelf. When to Speak Up and When to Shut Up (by Dr. Michael D. Sedler). Ironically, it is a Christian book. It talks about the importance of knowing which I am supposed to do, about discerning whether the action I want to take is of God or of myself. And, what do you know? It is going right along with what God has been teaching me.

Aside from this supervisor, servanthood in general has been tugging at my character. Why not do those same things for people on the street or simply for other people I know? I am supposed to obey and respect my elders. What about for those who are not my superiors? Well, they deserve respect as well. Kindness, love, mercy, grace, forgiveness--all these things should be shown to every person that I come across, even myself. I have found myself, possibly boosted by the proximity of Valentine's Day, doing many little things for my spouse, whether directly or simply as something around the house. I find myself wanting to do more for people, even though I still have to fight my thoughts about how "They do not deserve such treatment." or "But they never treat me that way." I find myself looking for odd and creative ways to serve people, to show them God's love.

Despite the initial discomfort and the inner fights with some of my thoughts, I like this. I am being challenged in a way that most people would never think to challenge another. So, if you are reading this, I challenge you--find someone you think you loathe, and then do something completely undeserved for them. See how you feel afterward.

Valentine

It's almost Valentine's Day. So, what does that mean? Is it just a time for single people to feel left out, women to be pampered, men to be distraught because they didn't remember until the day of? Or is there more to it? Does it really need to be celebrated?

While I will be participating in this strange day, I really don't know how I feel about it. I do like that it is somewhat of an automatic date-night for those of us in a relationship, that it makes us step back and take some time just for the two of us, to make eachother feel special. After children are involved in life, those special moments seem to dwindle.

My spouse and I will be enjoying a night out at a nice restaurant. However, I do not think that this is something that the store's need make such a big deal about. Sure, it gives them money, but it really is very annoying to walk into a store and see nothing but red and pink hearts, bows and arrows, cherubs, boxes of cheap chocolates, etc. I just want to get groceries, not be hounded to buy a bunch stuff that will "make my spouse happy". None of that matters. In the end, what truly matters is our love for eachother, not the waxy chocolates from Wal-Mart, not the putting on a front so we look like the most romantic couple in the world, none of that.

All that matters is love.

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
forever in the next.
~Reinhold Niebuhr

Writing

I am at a loss. There is so much that I want to say, so much that I want to just put out on paper so that I can reread it and realize what my thoughts are, that it feels almost as if my head will explode. And yet, here I sit, not being able to think of anything in particular to write about. I cannot help but wonder why. Why can I not think of my own thoughts? Is it from years of hating and dodging writing assignments in school because I never was allowed to write about what interested me? What is it that made me dislike the writing assignments so much? I find myself looking at other people and wishing that I had their writing ability, their way with words.

Cheyenne--unintelligible speaker. That's what I feel about myself so often. It seems that on a daily basis I, at least once, come to a loss for words or stumble over words, mixing up a couple or just forgetting what the word is altogether. I often leave conversations hoping that I got my point across, that the other person understood me. And even if they did understand me, did they realize how strongly I feel about it? Or did my tripups cover my passion in dust? Maybe in doing this blog, in making myself write about things, even things as petty and unimportant as where I stand concerning Valentine's Day, I'll be able to build my imagination, to get my thoughts back on track and allow things to flow again.

Maybe, just maybe...