I Ain't Ready to Quit

The other day, my husband was making beef jerky and singing/listening to some country music. After one song, he immediately brought the player over to me because he said I just had to hear this song called "I Ain't Ready to Quit" by Jason Aldean. We have been on and off about him quitting smoking, and though he means to, he has come to the conclusion that it is not going to happen successfully unless he is actually ready and doing it for himself. So when he tells me the name of the song, I just shake my head. The first verse talks about smoking, the second verse about driving too fast (which he does as well), but then the chorus and last verse were totally unexpected to me.

"Don't start thinking I'm gonna stop / Givin' it all I got / And you think you've seen love / You ain't seen nothing yet / How could I ever get tired / Of waking up by your side / And the taste of your sweet kiss / Tells me I ain't ready to quit // There's something 'bout the way you say my name / That drives this ole country boy insane / So baby don't stop loving me like this / Cause I ain't ready to quit"

Afterward, his the huge, loving look on his face told me that he was reinforcing his love, not his habit.

Early this morning I said goodbye to my husband and dropped him off for his deployment. We did not spend much time saying goodbye, as neither of us could handle it very long. I was just putting our son back in the car when he called out to me, saying, "...I ain't ready to quit!"

Accomplished

Today I am feeling accomplished. I woke up at 0630, ate breakfast and got myself and my son ready, and we went off to our 0800 WIC appointment, where I finally got us registered (yay!). Now I just have to sit down and figure out what I'm going to get at the store tomorrow.

On top of that is the fact that it is 1030 and I have already done something besides eat. Also, yesterday we manage to build the new shelving for our living room, and then I went through and unpacked (if appropriate) the boxes that were starting to look more like wall decoration than moving paraphernalia. My husband walked in and made the comment, "...It's starting to look like a living room!...I'm not sure I like this..." Of course he was joking; I looked over at him and he was looking at me intently with a grin on his face. I love him. So, aside from hanging things on the wall and moving out the boxes that go in different rooms, the living room is done (yay!). I am so happy that finally happened. Unfortunately, the stores do not have sturdy book shelves in the range we are willing to pay, so we have to find and order one online, meaning it will be a few more weeks before I get to sink in to the office. That is okay--the living room is done. :D

We also finished buzzing my son's hair off yesterday; we started Saturday, but he only sat still long enough for us to get the bulk of it off. So many curls! Hopefully now he will stop playing with his hair so we can grow out those beautiful curls without him getting his fingers stuck in them and then breaking them off. Between his walking with his hands behind is back and that "bald" spot, he looked like an old man! Anyway, I also rid the bathroom of the hair.

Ooo, and I got the new crib moved upstairs and put together. I know all these things seem like very little silly things to celebrate, but I have developed into a practicing procrastinator, so each little thing that either gets done fully or gets done immediately is going to be celebrated so I realize I am changing for the better.

Goals Redone

My year's goals really weren't all that screwed up or hard to adapt. I deleted some that cannot be accomplished whether due to pregnancy (such as working out vigorously for an hour every day), or deployment (spending time as a whole family) or not knowing if we'll be here for another three years or if we'll be moving again in a year (like making my own vanilla extract which takes six months and which the movers will refuse to pack because it won't be "sealed"), and changed others so they would fit the current circumstances, such as changing the dates I expect to have them accomplished by. A lot of them are oriented now so they are done at least a month before the baby is due instead of toward the end of the year.

All in all I am still feeling pretty good about my plans, and I am rather excited at reviewing my list and seeing that I already have a couple crossed off or have started recently. That means I am succeeding at becoming the person I want to be, and that is a euphoric feeling nothing can take away.

Goals

I actually made a big list of goals for this year, whether things to accomplish or things to try. I knew we were going to be moving at the beginning of the year, and I did incorporate that into my plans, such as wanting to be totally unpacked within three months. Sadly, a couple things have postpone or changed some of my plans. One--I'm pregnant and am extremely lacking in energy. Two--I did not consider how long it would take to get our belongings again. So, now I have the fun task of rewriting my plans...for the remaining six months of the year...

Sorry

Lately, it has come to my attention that I apologize and then try to justify most of what I do. Whether the action requires an apology or not, some form of one comes out. If no apology, I feel bad and most definitely bring up some kind of excuse or justification. For instance, in dropping my son off at the babysitter's, I told her I brought his stuffed dog with him. She stated it was no problem, she has plenty of toys and he'll be fine. I then immediately gave out the bashful sigh/laugh and started saying how, "Oh, I know, but this way he has something familiar in case...[blah blah blah]." Wow. Am I so paranoid about others opinions that I don't even trust my own judgement? I have come so far in not caring what people think and not striving for their approval. Now, however, I find myself not wanting to impress necessarily, but to....not be misunderstood? I don't know. I still firmly believe that if they don't like me, it's their loss, but this new need for understanding or whatever it is is most definitely very confusing. Do I say this is all spiritual growth? Or do I blame it on the pregnancy hormones? All I know that I can do is pray about it.

God Forbid

This song is exactly how I feel right now. It varies between talking about everyone or myself, but I venture to say the majority of the time is just trying to get me to realize how truly awesome God is. Thank you, Point of Grace!

The more I know your power, Lord, the more I'm mindful--how casually we speak and sing Your name, how often we have come to You with no fear or wonder, and called upon You only for what we stand to gain. God forbid that I find You so familiar that I think of You as less than who You are. God forbid that I should speak of You at all without a humble reverence in my heart. God forbid.
Lord, I often talk about Your love and mercy, how it seems to me Your goodness has no end. It frightens me to think that I could take You for granted. Though You're closer than a brother, You are more than just my friend. God forbid that I find You so familiar that I think of You as less than who You are. God forbid that I should speak of You at all without a humble reverence in my heart. God forbid.
You are Father, God Almighty, Lord of lords, You're the King of kings, beyond my understanding, no less than everything! God forbid that I find You so familiar that I think of You as less than who You are. God forbid that I should speak of You at all without a humble reference in my heart. God forbid!