On the Fritz

Do you ever feel like your favorite show is not on, a game is not loading properly, you cannot find your favorite book, or your computer is on the fritz just might be God telling you to stop what you are wanting to do and do what He is asking you do to? I have felt that way a lot lately, and sadly I have been ignoring it. Needless to say, I have not been in the best of moods lately, and aside from the pregnancy hormones putting me on the fritz as well, I would say that my lack of personal time with God has definitely been a major contributor to the strife. I have allowed the fact that there is no church in the area to meet my spiritual needs to halt my personal time as well, and that is just not acceptable.

How many times will I do this? How much longer until I actually mature into the God-fearing woman I was created to be? God-fearing -- that's an adjective for you. I have been taught (and believe) that God is a personal God. He loves us deeply and wants to have personal relationships with each of us individually. I have come to realize, though, that informality has made me very slack in the department of God-fearing. I cannot say that I truly do fear God. If I imagine a burning bush started speaking to me and said it was God, I think I would either laugh tell whoever to come out from wherever they were hiding or pee my pants and run away. Neither of those options show belief or holy reverence for the Almighty. Saying that truly hurts me. Do I really want to live through the ugly days of the Old Testament before I will learn that holy fear, or will I study it and meditate on it until it has at last become true in my life? Please, God, help me do the latter!